


Scars

by Serani



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, Anal Sex, Angst, Bondage, Dubious Consent, Friendship, Hand Jobs, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Romance, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-20
Updated: 2011-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-27 15:18:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/297244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serani/pseuds/Serani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> They all have physical ones, but what about the hidden ones? The ones that can’t be seen? The ones that hurt the most? Will you let them finally start to help you heal those? </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You MUST have an account to view this gallery!

  


  


  


  


  


**Disclaimer:**   Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto.  The plot is mine.

  


  


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“You want me to what?” Kakashi stared at the Godaime Hokage as if she’d grown an extra head.

“I need you to go back into ANBU for a mission.” Tsunade explained patiently, though her face displayed anything _but_ patience. She shook her head, the moonlight leaking in through the window behind her, highlighting her pale blond hair.

“I left for a reason.” Kakashi reminded her, his one visible eye betraying only a fraction of his annoyance.

“I’m well aware of your reasons for leaving ANBU, brat, but I need you. I need your abilities on this team, it’s that simple. One of your team is still new enough to ANBU that he needs an experienced leader.”

Kakashi’s affected slump didn’t fool her. She knew he was tense. She watched his eye carefully, had learned well over the years how to read it. “There are other experienced leaders,” he countered.

She snorted. “Not like you and you know it. Entirely aside from the other things you can do besides lead.”

He let a sigh out and shifted on his feet, slumping a little further. “Who is the rest of the team?”

“Nara Shikamaru and Shuranui Genma.”

The slump lessened slightly. “I thought Genma was retired, too?” Kakashi asked, raising his visible eyebrow.

“He’s coming back for this mission. We need an assassin. He’s one of our best and we’re already spread thin, you know that. We took more losses in the war than we’d have liked.”

Kakashi nodded at that, knowing well that many of the ANBU nin had been killed in the war. He left off the comment that _any_ losses were more than _he_ would have liked. “I’m not asking you to return permanently. I’m recalling you for this mission.”

“Why bother with ANBU, though? It’s not like they won’t know me the second they see my hair.” He snorted at the idea. “For that matter, the only one that might not be readily identifiable is Genma.”

She shrugged a shoulder. “It’s S-class. Information and item retrieval and assassination. And it’s not on the books. Report to Ibiki at ANBU headquarters at six tomorrow morning.”

Kakashi blinked and let loose a long-suffering sigh, recognizing that the discussion was over. “Yes, Lady Hokage,” he muttered in a facsimile of respect.

She simply laughed. “Right. Dismissed, brat.”

Kakashi cast her one more look, his hands flew through the signs and he poofed in a swirl of leaves and smoke.

At seven-fifteen the next morning, the dog-masked ANBU nin appeared in the briefing room of the temporary ANBU headquarters building that had been constructed by Yamato shortly after the invasion. It was one of the buildings that had yet to be replaced by something more permanent. Ibiki glared at the mask, knowing it would do no good, but it made him feel a little better, anyway.

The hawk-masked nin with the pineapple ponytail didn’t bother moving from his slouch against a table and the cat-masked nin with a senbon sticking through his mask simply chuckled. The three ANBU turned their attention to Ibiki, who just sighed at them. “I can’t believe what I’ve got to work with these days,” he muttered before pulling a map down, earning himself a trio of chuckles.

He pointed at the map at the country due north of Fire. “Target in question is the Feudal Lord of Fang. Kimura Arata has already made his move on Rice Paddies and the limited intelligence that we have indicates we’re his next target. Our intel tells us he keeps to his home which is not in the capital city itself, but somewhere outside of it, to the south.” He pointed to a small area on the map. “Outside of the _general_ location of his home, we don’t know a damned thing about it, including how well it’s guarded. The only thing we _do_ know is that he has enough information to finish Konoha off and move into the Fire Country capital without a fight. The nin who gathered the information is a former Leaf who went rogue a few days ago. He took Kubikiribouchou with him.”

Kakashi stood more at attention at this. “Zabuza’s sword? How the hell did he get that?” He asked, mouth hanging open behind his mask.

Ibiki ground his teeth together. “Yamada Noboru.”

Kakashi blinked. “The new jounin? The one that was just promoted?”

“The very same. He was assigned work in the Hokage tower for a while because, as you all know, normal missions have still not restarted. Well, apparently, he used the opportunity well. He managed to knock out and tie up Hagane and Kamizuki and get into the locked storage facilities. That in itself is no mean feat. Those two may not be jounin - yet - but neither of them is a slouch when it comes to fighting, especially together.” The other three nodded at this. They’d all seen them fighting together before. “The point is, Yamada is not someone to underestimate. We’re fairly certain he took off with a map of the ANBU patrol border, schedules, passwords, you name it. And Zabuza’s sword.” Ibiki paused, letting the three of them absorb that information.

Kakashi frowned. He’d turned the sword over to Konoha because he didn’t want it. He may have been rightfully allowed to wield it but entirely aside from not being a swordsman, the sword itself simply felt… wrong. He’d used it when necessary during the war but that was one thing. He hadn’t wanted it for himself.

So when he’d returned to Konoha, he’d turned it over to Tsunade, who’d locked it up. She’d assured him it would be safe and he didn’t blame her or Izumo and Kotetsu who’d been guarding it. She couldn’t watch everything, but that sword in _anyone’s_ hand was dangerous.

Ibiki took a deep breath. “The rest of the force that works for Kimura is made up of non-ninja. Apparently, the man is distrustful of them,” Ibiki said with a smirk. “I suspect he only dealt with the nin who sold him the information because the kid showed up with it and the sword in hand. Your orders are simple. Kill Yamada. Kill the Fuedal Lord. Recover any written information and, of course, the sword. Questions?”

The three ANBU glanced at each other and one by one gave a short perfunctory head shake. “Good,” Ibiki nodded. “Dismissed!”

Silence was the constant companion of every ANBU nin, especially on a mission. There was rarely discussion between the members of a _team_ , even, as secrecy was paramount.

Normally, this didn’t bother Kakashi and, in fact, he would have welcomed it. Especially after a mission with Naruto and Sakura, who spent most of their time talking, the peace and quiet was a blessing. He didn’t mind being left alone with his thoughts, allowing his mind to wander where it would.

Except this time. For reasons he wasn’t entirely sure of, the quiet didn’t give him the peace it usually did. He glanced to his side at the hawk and further to the cat and frowned behind his own mask as he remembered again his reasons for leaving the ANBU ranks so many years ago.

 _He_ didn’t leave people behind.

But ANBU did. ANBU readily, sometimes _happily_ sacrificed their people when things got sticky. The commanders – including one Morino Ibiki – had no problems leaving the injured behind to self-destruct if things went wrong.

And unfortunately, they went wrong all too often.

Kakashi suppressed the sigh and wondered where his ANBU mindset was. He’d been good back then at focusing his mental energy on the mission, on the objective and setting aside anything extraneous. He’d been able to shut down when needed to simply _do_ and not _think_.

But that seemed rather elusive in that moment and he hoped it wouldn’t stay that way.

Because he had two people with him that were depending on him. And regardless of the ANBU rules and procedures, he knew he wouldn’t leave them behind if anything happened – and considering the lack of intelligence, there was a very real possibility that things could go very, very wrong. He’d learned that lesson the hard way.

Because God knew he was good at that — at letting things go wrong. His daily trips to the memorial were a good reminder of it. How many names, now, did he read and re-read there? Obito, Rin, his own sensei – Minato, Sasuke… And maybe he wasn’t directly responsible for Minato’s or Sasuke’s deaths… or even Rin, for that matter. But the simple fact was, he hadn’t _protected_ them from it, either.

And he _was_ responsible for Obito. He could have stopped him, could have gone with him, could have… He stopped himself. He couldn’t allow that right then, couldn’t let himself go down that path at the moment. He needed to focus more on the mission and the two who were alive and depending on him.

With effort he turned his mind back to the intel they did have just as they crossed the border into Fang. Their first focus was to find Kimura’s private residence. With a little bit of luck, they’d be able to find the house fairly quickly and easily. Private he may be, but he still had to have transportation to and from the home and that meant roads.

Kakashi let his brain work through it, finally pulling his mind from his personal thoughts to the mission itself. He felt himself shift, felt the subtle changes in himself that meant he was going into the ANBU mindset. He allowed himself a bit of relief that it was still something he could do and then let that go, as well.

He glanced over at Genma and saw, by his body language, that he’d managed to get into it, as well. Shikamaru looked… as lazy as ever. Kakashi wondered briefly how he was going to deal with some of what they’d have to do, but he pushed it off. He could talk to the younger man if he had to and he’d deal with that when it happened.

He called a halt when they were still about twenty kilometers outside of the city limits. He dropped from the trees with Shikamaru and Genma. “We need to do recon and find the place. We’ll split here. No matter what you come across, do _not_ engage.” He waited for the nods from each of them. “Hawk, you go west, Cat, east. Meet back here.” Two more nods and the three of them separated.

It took longer than he would have liked to find the estate. He had to circle several times before locating the road that lead to it. It was more hidden than he’d expected and he wondered if the man hadn’t actually gone out of his way to try to hide even the road to his home.

He studied it from a tree a short distance away, making sure it was the one they were looking for. The guards at the front gate told him enough. The daimyou’s home was large, spread out and enclosed by a wall. He didn’t waste a lot of time checking it out. He needed to get back to the other two.

Once they’d regrouped and got back to the house, they split again to check over the grounds. Kakashi noted guards at the front gates, a few patrolling inside the wall, more on the house itself and likely one or two inside. The house itself sat dead center of the compound with large open spaces between it and the outer buildings, which looked like they were mostly for the guards, servants and storage.

As he was about to turn around and go meet up with the other two, he saw a carriage pull up in front of the house. _Damn_. Kakashi cursed to himself. He prayed to a deity he wasn’t sure existed that it wasn’t actually the lord himself leaving. The two guards on the front porch opened the door and Kakashi breathed a tiny sigh of relief when a woman and small boy came out. They climbed into the carriage, it circled, then was through the gates and gone. Kakashi swallowed, grateful they were gone. He didn’t want to have to kill them and he recognized that if that thought bothered him, there were still parts of him left that he hadn’t been able to put away. He ignored that and refocused on the house again, double checking the guards and layout he saw from there.

Nothing three ANBU couldn’t handle. They met up, dropped back once more, and quickly went over everything they’d found out. Then, without another word, Shikamaru knelt down, hands forming a circle as he thought through their strategy. Genma and Kakashi waited patiently and a few minutes later, the hawk nin looked up and Kakashi could easily imagine the half smile on the face under the mask that accompanied the, “I’ve got it.”

They approached from the west, opposite the front gate. From the top of the wall, Shikamaru and Kakashi watched the shadow that was Genma land, pivot and swing his arms out, one each direction. Had he not been looking with his Sharingan, he wouldn’t have seen the needles that were thrown. Seconds later, the two patrol guards crumpled to the ground.

He and Shikamaru followed Genma to the ground and they split again. Kakashi slid through the shadows, approaching the house directly. Shikamaru went around to the left, Genma to the right to take care of the rest of the guards on the sides of the compound.

The house was, thankfully, quiet. He slipped in through a window, his lips tilting in a half smile. Iruka was always giving him such crap for that at the mission office. And for once it was the right thing to do. He shook the thought off and looked around. He was in a large dining room. A long dark wood table took up the center of the room. It was low to the floor with cushions around it. The room itself was done with rice-paper walls in traditional style. And opposite the window he was standing by was a shoji door.

He crossed the room soundlessly and carefully pulled it back, peering around the frame. The hallway itself was empty, but as he slipped out, he looked to the left to see the hawk sliding through a window at the end of the hall. He signalled for Shikamaru to check the rest of that floor and he headed for the stairs.

On the second floor, he saw Genma already moving toward the first door, so he continued on to the third. He didn’t hold out much hope that he’d find anything up there, but he wasn’t about to leave without searching.

There were only four doors off of the hallway. Two of them were small bedrooms, one a bathroom but the last one held more interest. It looked like a library or office and seemed odd that it would be that far up - especially since it wasn’t near the master bedroom or any of the other major rooms. But perhaps it was just another example of the daimyou’s penchant for privacy.

Kakashi slipped into the darkness and let his eye adjust to the thin moonlight filtering through the blinds. As details came into focus, he noted a large heavy wooden desk that took up a good portion of the room. The rest of it was taken up with bookshelves and scroll cases. He skipped the shelves and headed over to the desk. There was no where in the room that could have stored a sword the size of Kubikiribouchou, but the stolen information might still be there.

He dug through the drawers, coming across a scroll toward the back of one on the bottom. He easily broke the seals and read through it quickly, confirming it was what he was looking for. He stuffed it in his vest and went through the remaining parts of the desk. When he found nothing else, he slipped back out and down the stairs.

Genma was coming out of the master bedroom. He shook his head and Kakashi understood that to mean there was nothing on that floor. When they approached the first floor together, Shikamaru was waiting for them. He signalled to a door half way down the hall on the other side.

Kakashi led the way, and they paused at the threshold. Voices could be heard inside and the three ANBU exchanged glances.

“I don’t trust him,” said a male voice.

“I told you not to trust him from the start, Arata,” another voice said, deeper than Kimura’s.

“I have the information, but he’s taken the sword with him. I want him dead and the sword brought back here. You should be wielding that, Momoru.” There was a pause, then Kimura continued. “Besides that, if he gave us this information, he can just as easily give it to someone else.”

There was another pause. “We’re still looking for him.” Momoru said. “He went south, but that’s all we know.”

The three ninja glanced at each other. At Kakashi’s nod, the door was pushed further open, shadows snaked across the floor, holding the other man in place and a senbon was spit at the feudal lord. The big man crumpled in his chair.

A moment after that, the Lord’s companion was also dead and Genma stood up from his crouch, staring down at the body. Kakashi could tell from the body language that Genma was already in shutdown.

The copy nin shoved his thoughts aside and pushed Kumira aside. He and Shikamaru searched the desk he was sitting at quickly while Genma searched the rest of the room. Finding nothing, they set up several paper tags, slipped through the window and headed for the wall.

A moment later, the house went up in flames. There was general pandemonium as the guards that were left scrambled to put it out and try to rescue a man they didn’t yet know was already dead. In the chaos, the ANBU went back over the wall and into the shadows of the trees. They watched for a few minutes until the house collapsed at its center. Satisfied they’d destroyed it, they turned and took off.

“South” wasn’t much to go on. Yet again, they had to split up to try to find him. It made Kakashi more than a little nervous. Not that he didn’t think the other two could handle the guy, but the sword alone was enough to give them pause. He knew they were capable — they wouldn’t be in ANBU otherwise, but he didn’t like it. Something nagged at him about the whole thing, but he shoved it aside, chalking it up to his already un-ANBU-like mindset.

This time, Kakashi went East, Genma, West and Shikamaru, due South. They were to meet just on the other side of the border of Fire, at the ANBU safe house if they didn’t find him.

Genma did find him and was the first to do so. He squatted in the tree above Yamada’s camp, eyes taking in the details. Kubikiribouchou was leaning against a tree directly behind the nin. There was a bedroll laid out and a fairly large fire burning. Gen shook his head. The guy was either over-confident or better than they anticipated.

Yamada was quietly drinking what looked to be tea. He casually sat back against the tree the sword was leaning on and stretched his legs out in front of him, crossing them at the ankles. Genma had seen enough. It was time to go to work.

He pulled a few senbon out and readied the poison. Watching the nin carefully, he took aim, focused his chakra and released.

And Yamada parried all three of them with the tea cup. Shit! Genma knew better than to try again from there. He leapt higher into the tree to come at the other man from a different angle, but the rogue nin was already on his feet, sword in hand and leaping after him. Genma twisted, launching another senbon in Yamada’s direction and it was his mistake.

Because the reduction in speed was enough for the rogue nin to get just close enough. Genma dropped from the trees and took off, trying to get some distance between them. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get quite enough. Yamada landed behind him, even closer than Genma had anticipated.

Genma focused his chakra once more, threw one more needle, but as his arm stretched out, the rogue nin swung the sword and connected with Gen’s arm. The needle dropped harmlessly to the forest floor from the ANBU’s now nerveless fingers.

Pain flared up Genma’s arm and the assassin ruthlessly shoved it into a box with the rest of his feelings. He spun and kicked, aiming for the other man’s sword arm. He missed, dodged the sword once more, then twisted around again for one more attempt at an attack.

This time, the sharp blade caught him across the back. It sliced right through his grey vest, shirt and undershirt. He felt the burn as it bit into his skin, the pain radiate out through him from the cut and then he felt nothing more as blackness claimed him.

Shikamaru caught it just barely. He saw Genma go down, saw the sword swing back for the killing blow and his shadows went across the ground in just enough time. He held the nin still, then shifted to his shadow imitation from the shadow sewing technique and forced the sword to the ground.

But Shika knew his chakra was already low and dropping fast. He’d used more back at the house than he should have and the nin opposite him was much further away than Shikamaru would have liked. He’d had to act much more quickly than he would have otherwise wanted to, not giving him the chance to plan far enough in advance.

He’d have to release the technique to shift to neck bind and that gave the man across from him too much time, in Shikamaru’s not-so-humble estimation, to pick that damned sword back up. He could force the other man to move, backing him away, but he wasn’t sure he’d then have enough chakra left to switch techniques and actually give the killing blow.

And every second he wasted thinking it through was more chakra he was losing. He stood up and started the slow shuffle toward the nin, forcing the other man to walk closer. “What the fuck is this?” Yamada demanded, glaring across the short distance. “Oh, you’re a _Nara_!” He growled. “The younger one, I’m guessing. You weren’t on any of the ANBU lists!”

Shikamaru felt the other nin struggle against his hold and he cursed silently, ignoring the comments. He forced himself to focus, dropped the technique and immediately shifted into the neck bind. His shadow flew up along the other nin’s body, the dark hand reaching for Yamada’s throat.

It was a fight; the rogue’s own chakra was strong. He struggled against Shika’s hold and the Nara could feel his chakra draining faster with each push. With one more effort, he forced the shadow that tiny bit further, wrapping the dark hand around the other man’s throat and squeezing.

Yamada’s grey eyes locked onto the hawk mask and Shikamaru couldn’t seem to force himself look away. His stomach clenched as the eyes widened. Yamada struggled even harder and Shikamaru realized he may not be able to hold the other man much longer. He tried to force his emotions back and concentrated instead on simple survival. One more push with his chakra, a tighter squeeze then those grey eyes went dark, the other man dropping to the ground.

Shikamaru released the jutsu, his own body collapsing to the ground. He vaguely registered the vision of the dead rogue nin, Genma beyond him, laying on the ground, still out, then darkness took him over, as well.

 

  


  


  


  


  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  They all have physical ones, but what about the hidden ones? The ones that can’t be seen? The ones that hurt the most? Will you let them finally start to help you heal those? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You MUST have an account to view this gallery!)

When Kakashi found the camp, it took every ounce of willpower, the Anbu mindset and the shinobi in him to keep himself calm and rational. He wanted to get pissed, he wanted even to freak out a little. And _he_ didn’t freak out, dammit.

He stopped first next to Shikamaru, but when he found a pulse, he stood back up. He recognized the signs of chakra exhaustion, so he knew that the younger man would be fine with rest. He paused at Yamada next, checking the rogue’s pulse. When he found none, he shoved that off, too and headed to Genma.

He squatted next to the assassin and his stomach did a slow roll at the gash that cut across the man’s back. There was an insane amount of blood, and Kakashi cursed himself silently. He shouldn’t have split them up. The guy was too much for one of them.

He pulled the supply scroll out and summoned bandages. He did his best to quickly bind Genma’s injuries, both the back and the arm, but the back would need quite a bit more than that. Unfortunately, he knew they didn’t have time for that now. Kimura’s men were still scouring the forest, so they needed to get out of there.

He wrapped Kubikiribouchou up and slung it on his back then squatted next to Genma again. The assassin started to stir. "Huh?" Genma asked, trying to roll. "What the..." he started, then looked up.

"You took a nasty hit to the back. I’ve bandaged it, but it’ll need more. Can you walk?" Kakashi asked.

Genma paused to think it over, then nodded. "Yeah, I think so. Hurts like hell, but I’ll be fine. Sh... uh Hawk?"

"Chakra exhaustion," Kakashi reported and Genma nodded again, then got unsteadily to his feet. The copy nin knelt next to Shikamaru and hoisted him up over a shoulder. As soon as Kakashi was standing again, they took off.

  


It was slow going, but they luckily avoided Kumira’s men and made it to the Fire border. Just a little bit further and they knew they’d be safe. They continued their slow progress in silence, both Kakashi and Genma simply concentrating on staying upright.

Shikamaru still hadn’t awakened by the time they made it to the safe house. They got inside and Genma had enough left in him to open one of the futons out. Kakashi laid the shadow nin down then went to check the house’s inventory.

Genma had enough by then, the gash on his back finally breaking through the block he’d managed to put on the pain. He held up one wall long enough for Kakashi to pull another futon out and he collapsed onto it.

Kakashi set about gathering medical supplies and heating water. "House" was a generous term for the cabin that the ANBU had set aside for its members. Set back in a copse of trees, it was little more than a single room. It had a small bathroom of sorts with a toilet and shower, fed by a pump from the small stream that ran directly under the cabin itself.

It was surrounded by trees on three sides and a rock wall on the fourth. There was a natural hot spring behind it that was large enough for maybe two or three people and no more and also fed into the bathroom. The whole thing was carefully trapped in a way that only the ANBU nin could disarm. Kakashi found himself yet again grateful for Obito’s gift which had allowed him years ago to memorize the types of traps that had been set.

Inside, there was a fire pit in the center of the single room. Along one wall was a stack of futons, blankets and pillows. Along another was a single counter and set of cabinets with a dry sink. There was bottled water, limited non-perishable food, dishes, utensils and, of course, the medical supplies.

Kakashi brought the things he needed back over to Genma’s futon and sat down next to him. "I’m going to have to take off the vest and shirt," he murmured to the injured man.

Genma nodded and pushed his good arm under him to pull at the zipper for his vest. It took a bit of work but they finally managed to remove the clothing on his upper body.

Kakashi inspected the gash. It ran from Genma’s right shoulder in a sharp diagonal to his left hip. It wasn’t  _too_  deep, but the copy nin knew from experience just how much damage the sword could do. He pulled one of the bottles out and frowned at it. "I’m afraid there’s not a lot of anesthetic."

Genma shook his head. "It’s okay, just do it."

Kakashi could hear the flat tone of voice and knew Gen was still in shutdown. It was probably a good thing, considering how much of this was going to hurt, so at least his emotional mess was currently dealt with and he could put his energy into fighting the pain. Kakashi forced his own emotions tighter into his box and opened the bottle.

He worked quickly, knowing that what there was of the numbing agent wasn’t going to last long. If not for the fact that his emotions were already tightly contained, the simple act of pushing the needle through skin would turn his stomach. He never liked doing that part of first aid and could have happily lived his life without  _ever_ having to do it.

But it was necessary now and he was once more grateful for the ability to put it away. There were minor grunts now and again from the man under him as he worked. Kakashi yet again cursed his bad judgment and wished he could do something more for Genma than he was doing.

Finally, he was able to tie off the thread and turn his attention to the small cut on Genma’s arm. It wasn’t as long, but would still require stitches. "Just a few more minutes," he murmured to the assassin and Genma gave another nod. Kakashi saw him close his eyes and force himself to relax his muscles.

He used the last of the anesthetic on the arm cut and was grateful that it seemed to deaden most of this skin. A few minutes later, he was tying this thread off, too. "I’m done."

Another nod and Genma simply melted into the futon. A few minutes later, he’d passed out again.

Kakashi cleaned everything up, checked on both of the other men, then pulled his own futon out, but sleep was disturbingly far away. He watched his team members sleep, both of them very still.

He shouldn’t have split them up when they went after the rogue. He kept circling around to that. If they’d stayed together, it wouldn’t have been a fight. Yet again, he’d fucked up. He sighed and closed his eyes, forcing his body to relax. He needed to rest his body even if he couldn't rest his mind.

  


Genma woke a few hours later. He opened his eyes and looked around, registering the cold fire pit, the other members of his team, both of whom were still sleeping, and the cabin. He only vaguely recalled actually getting to the safe house, but did remember quite well the treatment Kakashi gave him for his back. He queried his body and, sure that it wasn’t going to protest too vehemently, he managed to get himself to a sitting position.

His back still hurt like hell, but he could ignore that. He recognized that, despite the sleep, he was still very close to shutdown, his emotions still sealed off. He popped a senbon into his mouth and got unsteadily to his feet, making his way into the bathroom and ignoring the rest of things to take care of basic bodily functions first.

When he came back out, he saw Shikamaru sitting up. The younger man’s mask was gone, his hair down around his shoulders and his face sleepy... and closed off. The shadow nin stood up, nodded almost absently to Genma and passed him up on the way into the bathroom.

Genma remembered that this was Shikamaru’s first ANBU mission. He wondered just how much the younger man had done before joining. He waited until the toilet flushed and the door opened, then he approached the other man. "Shika?"

Shikamaru looked up at him. His eyes were still blank, still dead. Genma considered him carefully. "Are you okay?"

The shadow nin looked him over for a moment and there was a flicker in his eyes. Genma figured the younger man was fighting with it at least as much as he was, and probably quite a bit more. "I’m fine. I’ll be better later."

Gen put his hand on Shikamaru’s arm. "There are ways to deal with it," he said, quietly.

One dark eyebrow went up. "Are you offering yourself?"

Genma blinked at the forward question, but recovered quickly. "Yes, if you need it."

Shika seemed a little taken aback at the equally forward response and didn’t answer at first. "I don’t do that."

It was Genma’s turn to raise his eyebrows. "Do what?"

"Sex. For those reasons," Shikamaru clarified.

Genma tilted his head, looking the younger man over. "And what do you do it for? Do you have someone back in Konoha?"

The younger man shook his head. "No. And I don’t want anyone. Not... not yet, anyway."

Genma watched the darkness waver. "Are you telling me you’ve never had sex?" Genma blinked in disbelief.

The darkness shifted a little further and the tiniest hint of humor bloomed. "Yes, I’ve had sex. I’m not a monk. I just prefer not to."

Genma looked him over again. "If you wish. But it can help, a lot. And you look like you need it." With that, he left the younger man to consider his words, then turned and crossed the room, squatting next to his pack. He pulled out fresh underwear and started back toward the shower.

Shikamaru hadn’t moved. He held a hand out toward Genma but halted just shy of touching the older man’s arm. "It..." he paused and swallowed. "It helps?"

Genma stopped and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. "Yes," he said, simply.

He watched the thoughts cross the younger man’s face quickly and he was reminded again of the shadow nin’s brilliance and fast thinking. Shika’s eyes darted to their sleeping teammate then back to him, the decision apparently made. "Would you... like me to wash your back?"

He didn’t miss the meaning behind that. Genma turned, opened a cabinet nearby and pulled two towels out. Then, in silence, he waved toward the bathroom. Shikamaru went into the little room and, also in silence, stripped out of his clothes then stepped up to the shower. He twisted the knobs, adjusted the water to somewhere just north of lukewarm and stepped in.

Shika turned and waited for Genma to finish stripping out of his pants. Then he put the senbon on the sink, stepped into the small stall behind the other man and set a couple of small bottles on the shelf in the corner. The shadow nin glanced at them, noted the shampoo and conditioner then turned around to get his hair wet.

They didn’t speak for the longest time. Genma helped the younger man with his hair and Shika did the same for Gen, doing his best to keep the water off of the taller man’s injury. When they were mostly clean, Genma looked the shadow nin over, then pulled him in. They hovered just a few centimeters apart, then the older man bent, skipping Shika’s lips and kissed a path down his neck.

Shikamaru sucked in a breath when Gen’s teeth nipped at his skin and his hands slid up over the muscled chest in front of him. He tweaked a nipple, earning himself a quiet moan from the assassin’s throat. The taller man reached up and adjusted the shower head so the water fell straight, then shifted them, pinning Shika against the tile. He rocked into the shorter man, the hardening cock brushing the shadow nin’s own arousal.

Shika’s hands came around to cup Genma’s ass and pull him in tighter, doing some of his own bucking into the body against him. More quiet moans leaked out and the nips from the taller man on his neck and shoulder got more insistent. Gen shifted, then, and one hand slid down to wrap around Shika’s cock, stroking it slowly and dragging a groan from his throat.

"Turn around," Gen whispered and stepped back far enough for the other man to comply. Shikamaru caught out of the corner of his eye one hand reaching for the conditioner bottle, then he closed them and tried to calm his body long enough to wait. He was usually very patient, lazy even in this, but maybe it was the shutdown, or the unusual circumstances, he didn’t know. But he wanted,  _needed_  to feel, his body nearly desperate to be filled, to get to that pleasure and he fought with himself to demand that the other man hurry the hell up.

And then the first finger was there and he groaned into the tile. He pushed his ass out, trying to say without words that he didn’t need slow, didn’t want careful. A louder moan escaped emphasizing it, but all that earned him was the finger withdrawing. His head dropped as he fought with himself but a few seconds later a second was added and he felt himself being stretched. Unable to hold it in, he whispered a nearly imperceptible "Please."

The fingers disappeared again and he tried to just breathe. He looked over his shoulder at the taller man and watched Gen coat a very hard cock. He noted the look in the hazel eyes and realized that the other man was fighting just as hard against the emotional crap, too. But he had no idea how to help, was only barely holding on to his own mess by a hair.

Then Genma was there, pushing into him slowly and the moan that came out was much louder and twined with one from the taller man. Gen’s left hand came up and braced against the wall, and the other gripped Shika’s hip tightly when he was buried completely. Genma paused there a moment, breath coming in gasps, obviously fighting for control.

A moment later, he started moving with long, slow thrusts. Shika let out a grunt, matching the slow pace, trying to encourage the other man to move faster. But Genma had his own agenda, had been there many times before and knew much better than the shadow nin did what would work.

The hand on Shikamaru’s hip slid along the wet skin and wrapped itself around the straining hard length. Genma bent slightly, his mouth next to Shika’s ear and whispered, "Focus on the pleasure. Let it build slowly. Take your time with it and let it take over."

Then Gen started moving his hand and the younger man’s moans got a little louder. Shika’s hand slid up along the tile until it met Genma’s and their fingers threaded. The other hand reached back until he found Gen’s hip and gripped it.

The taller man started moving a little faster, his own grunts getting louder. But he forced himself to concentrate, remember that he was doing this for Shikamaru and it helped him focus more. He nipped at the shoulder in front of him, then opened his mouth to speak again. "That’s it, Shika. Let go."

Shikamaru struggled, his mind wanting to replay the look in the grey eyes when they went dark, the fight between survival and killing. He thought about cheating death, thought about nearly losing teammates all while his body tried to take over his mind. He cursed his brain in that moment, annoyed that he was having such a hard time letting go.

"You did what you had to do. Remember that, that you lived and it’s okay. Let it go, Shika, focus again on your body and only your body," the voice in his ear whispered. He forcibly pulled his mind back and concentrated instead on his cock and the hand on it, the pleasure shooting through his body. He thought about the dick slowly thrusting into him, hitting his prostate and a grunt came out when he finally shifted his mind completely to the pleasure.

"Yes, fuck, yes..." he moaned and heard a pleased hum from behind him. His body reacted to that, too, his cock twitching in the hand around it, and his own grip tightened on Genma’s hip. "Faster, oh fuck, harder, Gen, please..."

Genma gave him what he needed and Shikamaru felt the last of the darkness slip away as his orgasm screamed closer.

"Nngh... feel so... fucking good, Shika," Genma grunted, his own pleasure taking over, as well. "Fuck, not much..."

"Yeah... me... nngh..." Shikamaru tried to speak, but his brain was blessedly quiet, his body too focused on the feel of the hand on his cock, and how... "So fucking... close..." he managed and heard an answering groan in his ear.

"Come, Shika. Come with me," Genma whispered and Shikamaru couldn’t have done anything else. Gen hit his prostate once more, the hand on his cock tightened just enough and his climax crashed through him.

He managed to muffle the "Fuck!" behind clenched teeth, then the orgasm ripped through his body, along his nerves and out onto the tile in front of him. He registered the other man’s grunt, felt the bite on his shoulder, then Genma’s thrusts turned erratic as the vibrations went through his skin from the taller man’s blocked shout.

They both went limp at the same time, holding themselves up barely by their still-held hands. Genma let go of Shika’s spent cock and wrapped his arm around the younger man’s waist. He dropped a kiss on the bite mark on the shadow nin’s shoulder, then whispered, "Are you okay?"

Shikamaru nodded, the hand he had on Genma’s hip squeezed gently and he dropped his head back onto Gen’s shoulder. "You were right," he murmured.

"Hmmm?" Gen asked.

"It helps," Shika replied and Genma nodded, dropping another kiss on the younger man’s neck. He carefully eased back and out of the other’s body and stood up, Shikamaru following suit.

They cleaned each other up quickly, the water cooling rapidly. Finally, they stepped out, dried off and wrapped their towels around themselves before leaving the bathroom.

Kakashi was sitting up, a fire had been restarted and there was a tea kettle hanging over it. The copy nin glanced up at them, his eyes darting from one to the other, then he turned back to the fire. "Is your back okay?" He asked in clipped tones.

Genma raised his eyebrows in surprise. He’d known the other man for years, had served with him in ANBU way back when. He knew that, back then, Kakashi had been rumored to do exactly what he and Shika had just done. So, he wondered about the reaction. "It’s fine," he said belatedly.

Kakashi nodded. "Im making tea. There’s not much to eat here, but I don’t think we should try to move just yet. If you do too much you might open it again. And Shikamaru needs more time to recover his chakra."

Genma and Shikamaru exchanged glances, then approached the futons they’d been laying on earlier and took seats. "If that’s what you think we should do," Genma said, carefully.

Kakashi shrugged a shoulder. "I think it’s probably the best idea."

Genma blinked at the copy nin again. He was certainly not acting like himself. "Um... Kakashi?"

The silver-haired man looked up, his visible eyebrow raised. Genma could see the look in the other man’s eye and he saw that Kakashi hadn’t put away the shutdown yet. "Do... you..." he started, but the copy nin just shook his head.

"I’m fine," he said shortly and Genma’s eyebrows twisted in puzzlement. "I’m going to get more water," Kakashi said, standing up.

Genma threw a look at Shikamaru who shrugged a shoulder as if to say, ‘you know him better’ and laid back on the futon. Genma stood up and followed the other man to the doorway. "Kakashi," he called softly, catching up to him on the threshold.

The copy nin turned around. "I said I’m fine," Kakashi said in a tone the brooked no argument.

But Genma knew better, knew Kakashi maybe a bit better than the copy nin would have liked and he pushed, anyway. "What’s wrong?"

Kakashi blinked his visible eye and Gen could see the muscles of the other man’s jaw twitching under the mask as he fought with something. "You got hurt. I shouldn’t have split us up," he said, finally. "I’m the reason you’re hurt and he ran out of chakra."

Genma blinked. "That’s ridiculous."

Kakashi shook his head. "I’m the leader of this team. It was my decision to split."

"We  _had_  to!" Genma shook his own head. "We would never have found him if we’d tried to stay together."

Kakashi said nothing. "Look," Genma continued, "I’ll be fine. Shika  _is_  fine. And you’re still in shutdown. You need to deal with it."

"Seems like you and Shika already have. I’m glad you helped him. I’ll be fine." Kakashi started to step through the door, but Gen caught his sleeve.

"Fine? You’re not dealing with it Kakashi." He shook his head. "I can help you," he murmured.

Kakashi considered him a minute. "Thank you, but... no."

Genma blinked, and fought to hide the rejection, though he suspected it leaked through, anyway. "I’m sure Shika would, if you would pref--" he started, but Kakashi cut him off.

"No. It’s not you." He swallowed, muscles jumping once more, then he sighed. "I don’t. Period, okay? Now, if you’ll--"

"You don’t what?" Genma asked in shock.

Kakashi stared at him. "I think you know quite well what I’m talking about."

"But... you... I..." Genma stuttered, unable to form anything coherent. He shook his head and tried again. "How long, Kakashi?" It was the only thing he could force out.

Had it been anyone else, Kakashi would have told him to take his question and do something very impolite with it. But Genma was the closest thing he had to a friend and he found himself wanting to answer. Maybe it was the fact that he was still struggling with shutdown or maybe it was something else, he didn’t really know and even later he’d never be able to explain it.

"Since Obito," he whispered, then turned on his heel and stepped through the door, shutting it firmly behind him.

Genma stared at the closed door in complete shock.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  They all have physical ones, but what about the hidden ones? The ones that can’t be seen? The ones that hurt the most? Will you let them finally start to help you heal those? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You MUST have an account to view this gallery!)

**A/N:** This section ends kind of abruptly, but I didn’t have a better place for the break and this last part would have ended up very unwieldy. So, it got split. The next section should be up soon (I hope), so bear with me. Also, please note, there’s reference to sex between minors in this section. It’s NOT described! But it’s mentioned. Just thought I’d warn. Thanks for reading!

* * *

Genma continued to stare at the wood, his mind refusing to work. _Since Obito_. That was… ridiculous! There was no way. That was… Gen couldn’t even begin to do the math.

He shook his head hard then glanced over his shoulder to see Shikamaru still laying back on the futon, staring at the ceiling. Twisting the doorknob with more force than necessary, he yanked the door open and followed Kakashi out.

He didn’t see the other man, at first. It wasn’t until he made his way around the building to the hot spring that he found the copy nin. He stood a few feet away, deliberately scraping his feet across the grass to announce his presence.

“I would have known it was you, anyway. Go away, Genma. I’ll be fine. I don’t need help,” Kakashi said, his voice sounding tired.

Genma, of course, didn’t listen. He approached the side of the spring and looked down at the silver head. “How did you put it away all those years ago?”

The other man didn’t answer at first, just stared at the steam as it rose from the surface of the water. Genma carefully sat down on the edge and turned to Kakashi, waiting. The copy nin took a deep breath, obviously realizing that his wishes weren’t going to be granted any time soon. “I didn’t. It’s one of the reasons I left.”

Genma’s eyes dropped to the water. “I thought you left over their policies.”

Kakashi nodded. “That was the other reason. After Obito, I had a hard time leaving anyone behind,” he nearly whispered. “I don’t. But aside from that, I simply didn’t deal with the shutdown well. And, after a while, not being able to put it away got to me.”

Genma said nothing for a few moments, letting it roll around in his brain. He tilted his head and considered his friend. “What happened with Obito? Not the official story, not what’s in the reports and not what you’ve already told me.” He paused to let that sink in. Kakashi had, on one of the few nights he’d gotten drunk, spilled the story to Gen - the details that weren’t in the official reports. That Obito had asked him to take care of Rin, the last things Kakashi’s friend had said to him. _I… can become your eye…_ “What else is it?”

Kakashi didn’t speak for a long time, simply watched the steam rise. Genma was very grateful in that moment for his ANBU training and the patience it gave him. He rolled the senbon in his mouth to the other side and waited.

“I loved him.” The words were so low, Genma was pretty sure he heard wrong.

“You…”

“Loved him,” Kakashi said, his voice a little stronger.

“But, you were just a kid,” Genma said, shaking his head.

Kakashi glanced up at him without replying, but there was enough in the look in his visible eye.

Genma swallowed and looked away, letting his mind absorb what he learned, reminding himself of a few simple facts. Kakashi had never _been_ a kid, not really. Academy graduate at five, chuunin at six. Sakumo’s suicide before he was ten years old and jounin by thirteen. No, Kakashi had never really had a childhood.

“You loved him,” Genma prompted.

Kakashi sighed, flicking at the water with one finger then watching the ripples. “I did. I played it off as if he were an annoyance, treated him pretty badly for a long time. He was in love with Rin, whom, he claimed, was in love with me, though she never told me that. I knew he’d never love me back, especially…” he broke off and swallowed. “So we fought. A lot. I picked those fights most of the time, much to the chagrin of my sensei, because it was easier to fight him then it was to watch him pine after Rin.”

He shifted, leaning forward and pulled his hitae-ate off, laying it on the bank of the spring. He glanced up and Genma saw the sharingan eye watering. He swiped at it irritatedly then sat back again. “One night, very shortly before I made jounin, he’d snuck some sake out of his parents house. I gave him so much shit for that. That was before I started picking the major fights with him. See, we didn’t _always_ fight. No, that started mostly after that night.” He swallowed again, then continued. “We took it up to the top of Hokage mountain. We were certainly not the first to have gone up there, but that night we were alone. As young and skinny as we were, one bottle of sake does plenty.”

Genma nodded encouragement, but he had a feeling he knew where it was going.

“Too much happens when you drink. There’s a reason I don’t do it anymore. We got drunk. We threw fake punches. I joked and laughed for the first time since my father died. We wrestled around and somewhere in there, we stopped… wrestling.” He cleared his throat. “It was my first kiss, same for him. And the alcohol did it’s job.” He glanced over at Genma, the open dark eye meeting the hazel ones. “We didn’t stop at kissing.”

Genma swallowed, but said nothing.

“It was awkward and uncomfortable to a large degree. Neither of us knew what the hell we were doing. But it wasn’t completely awful, for either of us, either. No, I was actually pretty damned happy about it, even as drunk as I was.” He shook his head. “But when it was over, and we were laying back on the grass and I was trying to figure out how to ask him if we were boyfriends, he asked me if I thought he’d be any better when he finally managed to convince Rin to go out with him.”

Genma winced.

“After that, I realized that whatever I felt was one-sided and staying that way. I picked fights, we bickered and I’m not sure he ever figured out why.” He shook his head and scrubbed his hands over his face, pushing his mask aside. He sighed as he fixed it then glanced up at Genma again. “And then he died. And I could have stopped it and I didn’t.”

He fell silent again, once more concentrating on the steam and the reflections on the surface of the water. Genma swallowed, wanting, once more to tell him that Obito _wasn’t_ his fault, but he knew that the copy nin wouldn’t listen. “And all this time, you’ve never…” Genma started, instead.

“I… exaggerated that a little bit. It’s happened a few times, but very very few. Usually the times I got drunk and a couple more when I was fairly certain I was going crazy. Maybe a few when Ibiki told me to get laid or get out.” He laughed mirthlessly. “The last time he told me that, I left.”

“Kakashi… it…” Genma started, with no real idea what to say. How do you fight something like that? A lifetime of regrets? Genma, himself, was still fighting his own ghosts, mistakes and demons. A pair of dark eyes colored with perpetual circles under them flashed through his mind. Shaggy dark hair, another bandana hitae-ate, a sword… He swallowed and forced himself to look at his friend. “You don’t have to do it alone,” he finally settled on.

But Kakashi just shook his head. “I’m not going to put anyone through putting up with me.”

“But for God’s sake, Kakashi. Shutdown? Even physical gratification?”

The dark eye shifted back to him. “What does that really get you? Is it really all that much better than a hand?”

Genma sighed. “Sometimes, Kashi,” he said, deliberately using the nickname he’d given the other man on one of those drunken nights. “Sometimes it is.” He stood up and turned back to the cabin. He took a few steps then stopped. Without turning around, he said, “And sometimes there are more people who understand than you think there are. There are others who blame themselves, too.” And with that, he rounded the corner and went back inside.

Kakashi sat for a long time, letting those words roll around in his head.

When he got into the cabin, Shikamaru was in the same place, laying on the futon, staring at the ceiling. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, well, as okay as he ever is,” Genma answered, taking his own seat. He pulled the tea kettle off of the fire and poured water into three cups. He pushed one over toward the shadow nin and set Kakashi’s closer to the other man’s futon. He settled more firmly on his own mattress and sighed.

“He blames himself for my injury and your chakra exhaustion.” He said before taking a sip of the hot tea.

“That’s ridiculous. There was nothing else we could have done,” Shikamaru said, sitting up. He took a sip of his own tea and considered Genma over the cup. “Don’t you agree?”

“Hmm?” Genma looked up. “Oh, of course. We’d never have found Yamada without splitting up.”

“What else is it?” Shika asked, raising an eyebrow.

Genma considered the younger man for a moment. “I… well, I can’t tell you all of it. But… he doesn’t deal… with shutdown, well. Doesn’t handle it the way most of us do.” He sighed. “And he doesn’t have personal relationships, of any kind.”

Shikamaru frowned. “That’s… not very healthy.”

Genma shrugged. “I can understand where he’s coming from, to a point. I haven’t gone out of my way to have any, either. Not _lovers_ , at any rate. Not since Hayate died.”

“That was four years ago.” Shikamaru blinked at him. “I understand grieving — very well, but isn’t that a bit much?” Shikamaru asked.

Genma considered him. “You’re very pragmatic. It is. But then again…” he trailed off and sighed. “It was my fault.”

One dark eyebrow went up. “You killed him?”

Gen shook his head. “No, no, nothing quite like that. But… Hayate was where he was because of me. We were lovers… I loved him. Very much. And he loved me. And I’d whined about dropping a stupid scroll off at the Hokage tower, knowing he’d give in and do it for me because he did that kind of thing a lot. So, he took it for me.” He swallowed hard. “And came across Kabuto and Baki.” He didn’t need to finish, Shikamaru was well familiar with what happened.

“You couldn’t have known that would happen,” Shikamaru pointed out.

Genma shrugged a shoulder. “I couldn’t have. But I can’t help but think if I had been there in his place, maybe I could have handled it better. Or if I’d gone with him, we’d have been together. Or, maybe… I’d just have died in his place.”

Shikamaru said nothing to that. He took a sip of his tea and stared into the cup for a moment. “I guess I can appreciate that,” he nearly whispered.

Genma looked up at him, eyebrows raised in inquiry.

Shikamaru stared at him for a long time, then took a deep breath. “You’re well familiar with what happened to Asuma,” he started and Genma nodded. “What you don’t know is that…” he sighed. “I loved him. Not as a sensei… not as a big brother or anything like that.” He cleared his throat. “But as you are also aware, he was married — happily so, and expecting a child.”

Genma looked down at his tea, then took another sip, not saying anything to that.

“Well, I never told him. I wasn’t going to do that to him - put him in that kind of position. The one where he had to tell me he didn’t go that way or even that he was already in love or maybe just that he wasn’t interested in _me_ that way.” He jerked a shoulder in a facsimile of a shrug. “But I didn’t give him the chance to say those things because he never knew. Then he died. And I would _never_ get a chance to hear him say those things.” He took an unsteady sip of his tea. “And I can’t help but think that maybe I should have been a little smarter, or thought a little faster or planned a little better.” His voice could barely be heard above the pop and crackle of the fire, but Gen caught it.

They stared in silence into the flames for quite a while. “Isn’t it funny how we can see other people’s situations and see just how ridiculous they are, but when it comes to our own, it’s impossible?” Genma asked, finally.

Shika nodded. “Yeah…” The shadow-nin shrugged. “Who really knows? I can tell you that maybe Kabuto and Baki still would have gotten the better of both of you or you might have been killed yourself and instead of you teaching me how to deal with shutdown, it would have been him. But in all likeliness, it may well still have ended up being Hayate who died, leaving you to grieve.”

He paused to take a long drink of his tea, letting his words sink in. “But if I look at myself, all I see is blame. All I see is that I should have been faster, smarter, stronger, learned more, done… _something_ more.” He cleared his throat. “I got revenge. I killed his killer — as much as Hidan can be killed. But…”

“Yeah. See, that’s just it. I can look at you and all I see is one of the most brilliant strategists — maybe _the_ most brilliant — in Konoha history. Top of your class, smart enough to be one of, if not _the_ first the Hokage calls on to consult with. And I can’t possibly see how any of you could have done anything differently. You just didn’t know.” Gen shook his head and finished his tea.

Shikamaru upended his cup. “And we’ve both read the reports. I’ve gathered enough on my own , you know him well enough to have first hand info, but we both know that Kakashi blames himself for Obito’s death. And we can say that there’s no way it was his fault. There’s always something we could have done differently, but really, the chances are, they would still have ended up in a collapsing cave and he might have still gotten hit. Obito may still have shoved him out of the way…” Shikamaru sighed.

“And yet neither of us can see our own situations clearer,” Genma finished for him. They sat in silence for a long time, sipping the last of their tea. Finally, Gen looked up at Shikamaru. “You said you don’t have anyone back in Konoha? Anyone you’re interested in?”

Shikamaru swallowed. “Not really. There’s someone that I’d like to get to know better, but he’s not interested.” He sighed. “Which I’ve discovered is even worse than I thought.” He shook his head, “But not really. I’ve only recently begun to think about stuff like that again. After seeing Asuma during the war…” He trailed off, then looked up again. “What about you?”

Genma hesitated. “I haven’t had a lover since Hayate. I’ve fucked, I won’t lie about that. I’m not a monk, either. But… I haven’t let myself care about anyone, either.” He sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. Yes, there is someone. I just haven’t been willing to…” he let the rest go, knowing that the other man knew what he was getting at.

“May I ask who?” Shikamaru shifted on the futon, setting his cup aside and stretching out again.

Genma didn’t answer at first. He copied the other man, laying so he didn’t disturb his wound. “I feel like I’m back at the academy asking this. You’re not going to say anything, are you?”

Shikamaru chuckled. “I promise not to pass him any notes during chakra control lessons.”

Genma laughed. “Okay. It’s Kotetsu,” he said, a blush on his cheeks. He closed his eyes and brought the other man’s image to mind. Sexy slanted eyes, a mouth just begging to be kissed, gorgeous ass… all of which Genma had watched from a distance on many, _many_ occasions.

“Huh,” Shika said, looking over at the taller man.

“Hmm?” Genma asked, bring himself back to the present and out of Kotetsu’s eyes.

“I thought it would be Raidou. You’re rarely seen apart,” the younger man said.

“Oh,” Gen laughed. “No. Not him. Rai’s my best friend. We’re a little… I don’t know, too close. Kind of like you and the Akamichi kid.”

“Chouji. Yeah, I get you.”

“Yeah. Besides, he and Izumo have been together for a long time. I’m not about to get between them.” He chuckled again. “Nope. Definitely not Raidou. I like ‘em a bit shorter. Thick black hair, slanted eyes… yeah…” he trailed off again, his smile fading. He swallowed.

“Is he why you didn’t kiss me?” Shikamaru asked, quietly.

“Noticed that, did you?” Genma asked, chagrined. At the affirmative sound from the other man, he sighed. “Yeah. I don’t. Kiss, that is,” he cleared his throat. “Haven’t since Hayate. Don’t want to, well, not with just anyone. Silly, I know, especially since I’ve fucked, but it just seems…” he shrugged a shoulder, regretting it, immediately. Pain from his back flashed through him and he grunted.

“You okay?” Shikamaru sat up.

“Yeah. Just shrugged and it pulled at my back,” he answered, rolling onto his side. When he did, he saw Kakashi standing in the doorway. He didn’t say anything and Kakashi didn’t either, right away. Genma wondered from the look on the copy nin’s face how long he’d been standing there and how much he’d heard.


	4. Part 4 (End)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>  They all have physical ones, but what about the hidden ones? The ones that can’t be seen? The ones that hurt the most? Will you let them finally start to help you heal those? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You MUST have an account to view this gallery!)

**A/N:** My apologies, dear readers, for the length of this part, but I couldn’t find a reasonable place to split it without the last part being TINY. So, alas, it’s rather long. Thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

Kakashi had heard plenty. It bothered him more than a little bit to hear them discuss him that way. Despite their assertions, he knew he was responsible. But what got to him beyond that was to hear them talk about their own failures. Kakashi had been pretty sure he cornered the market on that kind of thing. Oh, he knew everyone screwed up, but not to his epic proportion.

And really, neither of them _had_ screwed up, as far as he could see. But he guessed they were right about that much — it’s harder to see their own situations than it is to see others.

He crossed the floor, still mostly naked from his bath and took a seat on his futon. He picked up his now-cool tea, pulled down his mask without a word and sipped at it. He glanced over at the other two, then back at his cup. Shikamaru and Genma were both paying close attention to the fire, patently ignoring his face. And something about that really got to him in a good way, that they didn’t _try_ to see, even though he’d done it so they could look, if they wanted to. He drank his tea down and pulled the mask back up, setting the cup aside.

Genma caught the movement out of the corner of his eyes, and turned to the copy nin. The look in the visible eye was still very close to dead and he wished again that the other man would allow him to help. But he knew that if he asked again, he’d just get turned down.

But maybe that was the key. Maybe the other man just needed a push. Gen glanced at Shikamaru and caught his eye. He sent a pointed look at Kakashi, then shifted his eyes again to the shadow nin. Shika’s brows went up and the younger man glanced at the copy nin, then back.

Genma checked Kakashi again to make sure the sharingan was still closed, then mouthed, “Help me” to Shikamaru. The younger man gave an almost imperceptible nod, and Genma let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He turned toward Kakashi and calling on his training, moved as fast as he could so that one second he was on his futon and a few later, he was behind the copy nin, holding onto the other man’s wrists.

Shikamaru, meanwhile, moved much faster than either of the other two men would have thought possible for the lazy man. He, too, had gone from his futon to the floor in front of the copy nin in just a few seconds.

Kakashi looked over his shoulder at Genma with a raised eyebrow. Genma met his gaze and leaned in to the other man’s ear. “Let us help you, Kakashi.”

“I don’t need your help,” the copy nin maintained.

Genma shook his head. “You don’t want it,” he corrected. “But you need it, whether you think you do or not. There’s a distinct difference between the two. You’re not the same person you were all those years ago.”

Kakashi’s jaw worked as he stared at the other man. His gaze shifted to the shadow nin who was still kneeling in front of him. He considered simply pulling his arms out, but he knew that, despite the unassuming appearance, Gen had plenty of strength and was perfectly capable of making things difficult if he tried to fight. And he didn’t really want to hurt his friend, especially with the other man’s injury, regardless of how pissed he currently was.

The younger man looked quite a bit less sure of his position than Gen did, but he had a rather determined look about him, too. He wondered at that, at the perpetually lazy man who suddenly looked quite a bit less so. What had _he,_ Kakashi, looked like to bring something like that out in the other man?

Genma transferred his friend’s wrists to one hand, then reached into the pack on the floor next to him. He felt past the ever-present book and found the small bundle of chakra wire he knew would be there. He pulled it out triumphantly and started unravelling it.

Kakashi watched it all with a sort of detached fascination, unable, for the moment, to believe they were doing this to him.

 _For_ him? He wondered. He didn’t really doubt that Genma had the best of intentions, even if the manner in which he was going about it was less than appreciated. He closed his eye and tried to relax against the wire as it was wrapped around his wrists while he worked to figure out what to do.

When Gen had tied it off, he met Shikamaru’s eyes over Kakashi’s shoulder. The younger man gave a slight nod and bent to the copy nin’s chest, dropping light kisses and bites over the skin. Genma pulled the headband off of the silver head, then leaned in and added his own nibbles and tastes to the exposed ear and neck. A suppressed moan escaped the copy-nin’s throat and Genma managed to keep from smiling.

Kakashi sucked in a breath when there was a particularly sharp nip to his shoulder. He fought himself, fought the sensations. He didn’t need this, didn’t want it, didn’t want to feel. It was better if he didn’t, more… right, somehow.

But they were insistent and when Genma whispered in his ear, his breath hitched. “You feel like you failed, Kakashi, like we all do. But it shouldn’t keep you from simple things. Things like this, like just _feeling_.” Gen’s hands ghosted over his skin and he briefly fought with the wire, struggling against it.

“Don’t,” Genma warned in a sharp voice and for reasons Kakashi couldn’t have described in that moment, he found himself reacting to the command, not wanting to fight, not wanting to struggle. He frowned at the thought and pushed it away, but he did, in fact, still. Genma hummed when he did so and Kakashi felt himself reacting to _that_ as much as he had the order to stop fighting.

He didn’t understand himself in that moment, why he’d give in. He’d been fighting this very thing for years. Obito’s face flashed through his head and he swallowed hard at the image. “He’s gone,” Genma whispered almost as if he could read the copy nin’s mind. “You’re alive and you’re allowed to _live_. You didn’t fail him, despite what you may think. And in the end, he wouldn’t want you denying yourself.”

Genma paused to switch sides, his fingers threading through the silver hair. He nipped along the other man’s neck, nibbled on an ear. He stopped briefly to watch Shikamaru’s hand slide up along Kakashi’s leg and resisted the smirk at the tent that was forming under the copy nin’s towel. He bit once more at the skin in front of him instead, then pulled back to speak again.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling, Kakashi. Let it go; let yourself have this.” One hand slid around to Kakashi’s chest to pinch lightly at a nipple. Kakashi gasped and, despite himself, a low moan escaped. “Yes,” Gen murmured and the tone of voice — the approval in it — sent that feeling through Kakashi again and he swallowed around a suddenly dry throat.

Genma pinched at the other nipple, earning himself another moan from behind the mask, then pulled his hands back when Shikamaru bent and took one into his mouth. This time the sound was much louder.

Genma, himself, was getting aroused again. He pulled away long enough to remove his towel and toss it aside, then he sat back against Kakashi again. His cock was already half hard and the sounds that were coming from his friend were getting to him. He leaned into Kakashi, brushing his dick along the other man’s skin to show the copy nin just what this all was doing for him and Kakashi moaned quietly in response.

Shikamaru glanced up at them then continued his path down along the copy nin’s body. He paused at the towel, then sat back briefly. Kakashi watched the younger man pull the towel off that was wrapped around the shadow nin’s waist and his sharingan eye opened almost of its own volition. Before he realized he’d done it, the image of the very sexy, very naked man in front of him was burned onto his brain.

Shikamaru may have been lazy, but he was still a shinobi and he was built like one. Slender, yet as young as he still was, he was defined, too. There was a light dusting of dark hair trailing along his lower stomach down to the cock that was hard and heavy between his legs. Kakashi’s own dick twitched at the sight and hardened the rest of the way.

The younger man knelt again, straddling one of Kakashi’s legs and reached for the copy nin’s own towel. Then it was gone and Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the slight smirk on Shika’s face. “Silver. I wondered,” he murmured. The older man blinked at him, then glanced over his shoulder at the chuckle from Genma.

He didn’t have time to think too much about it because those lips were on him again. Two sets of them, driving him insane. They were teasing and tormenting him with enough to make him _want_ \- something he didn’t want to do - but not enough to make him stop thinking.

He must have let a grunt out because Gen bit down slightly then, hard enough to cause slight pain. Kakashi moaned at that and that got him another one of those pleased sounds from Gen. He wanted to think that through, figure out why that sound - the sound of approval - did that for him, but he couldn’t concentrate enough to do so.

“You’re so close to letting go, Kashi. I know you can,” Gen whispered into his ear and the copy nin closed his eyes briefly at the words. _No!_ He mentally shouted. He wasn’t going to give in.

 _Why?_ His inner-self asked him. _Why_ aren’t _you allowed this? What does it really do? Does it bring back Obito? Will it change what happened?_

He knew the answers to these questions, knew what the right way was to go. But still, he struggled. Obito’s face came to mind again and this time, it was the image of the other man as they were having sex. It was the closed eyes, sweat-dampened hair, and look of pure bliss. Then it morphed and instead of a face, he heard the voice. _“Hey, Kakashi… think I’ll be less clumsy when I finally get Rin to go out with me? Maybe we can practice kissing. What do you think?”_

At that precise moment, a warm mouth enclosed his cock and his ability to think and reason finally deserted him. He groaned loudly and struggled against the wire again, but this time, it wasn’t to stop what was happening.

“Kakashi,” Gen said in warning, but Kakashi opened his eyes - both of them - and looked up at Genma. He fought the reaction to the censure in Gen’s voice and instead concentrated on what he wanted — no, needed… and that was to do his own touching.

“ _Gen…_ ” he whispered and Genma must have seen something in his eyes that told him what he wanted. Genma leaned over, pulled a kunai from Kakashi’s pack and sliced through the wire. He rubbed at the other man’s wrists gently then the copy nin reached up and pulled his mask down. One of his hands went to Shikamaru’s head, fingers threading through the thick brown hair and the other was lifted to Genma to pull the assassin closer.

Despite himself, Genma stared. He didn’t want to, tried to look away from the handsome face, but Kakashi put a finger under his chin when he started to turn and pulled him back. “It’s okay,” the copy nin whispered, then leaned over and started his own kissing along Gen’s neck.

Genma moaned. He’d been able to keep himself calm and fairly detached while he was the one orchestrating things. But being on the receiving end shifted it and he struggled to keep his own head when one of the other man’s hands started sliding over his body.

They broke apart when Shikamaru sucked a little harder and Kakashi grunted at it. He tugged on the younger man to pull him closer and Shika sat up, looking up at the older man. He considered Shikamaru for a brief second, watched the lazy eyes widen slightly, then he pulled the other man in and captured the talented lips.

A small sound loosed from the shadow nin, a sound of pleasure, of want and one of his hands threaded through the silver hair as the arm around him tightened. Kakashi’s own sounds got louder when Genma started nipping at his skin again. He poured his efforts into the kiss with the younger man, triend not to let out the nearly twenty years of suppressed need and want but they came out anyway and he was surprised when Shika simply took it all in.

He felt the other set of hands slide away and he pulled back from the shadow nin to look over at Genma. The assassin had leaned back and was moving away. Kakashi couldn’t read the expression on his friend’s face precisely, but he could definitely make out a mix of rejection and hurt. He held out a hand toward the other man. “Gen?”

Genma shook his head, waving toward Shikamaru. “He’s what you need, Kashi,” Genma whispered and Kakashi glanced at the younger man. Shika raised an eyebrow and glanced over at the assassin. Kakashi made a decision that, for once, he would never come to regret.

He turned back to his friend and shook his head. “I need you, too,” he said in a low voice and watched the surprise form on Genma’s face. “Come back,” he whispered and, after a pause and a swallow, Genma smiled and crawled back over to him.

Kakashi didn’t examine the relief he felt at it, didn’t spend time working through the feeling that Genma’s smile caused. He pushed those things off and, instead, concentrated on giving to the two men working so hard to help him. He paused long enough to pull his mask off completely then he bent and kissed his way along Genma’s neck.

He’d heard the conversation earlier, the comments about kissing. He didn’t understand it, per se, but he would respect it. Maybe, just maybe, they could all help each other. Maybe, if things went right for once, the road home wouldn’t just lead them back to the village, but it might just start them on the path to healing, too.

He felt a breath shudder through his friend’s body, heard a quiet moan when he nipped at skin and recognized the feeling that slid through him for what it was. He liked pleasing this man, liked doing for his friend, liked making him feel good. His sexual encounters - what there was of them, had been short, fast and only ever about the physical. And maybe that’s why he’d never sought them out. None of this - the care, the giving, had been part of it.

He turned again and gave once more to the younger man still straddling one leg, nibbling and kissing his skin. One talented hand had moved down and encircled his cock and Kakashi gasped out a breath at the feel. He hadn’t been this aroused in years, maybe ever. He’d been too nervous with Obito to do much and since then, he hadn’t spent the time.

He lost track, then, of lips and hands, had no idea what belonged to whom. There were kisses and nibbles, strokes of his cock, brushes of fingers over his balls and all he wanted was more. All he could think about was giving back.

Then he felt a hard cock against his own and he moaned loudly. Genma and Shikamaru had switched places somewhere along the way. The younger man was against his back, arms around him, fingers playing with his nipples. Genma was straddling him, rocking into him, their arousals rubbing, the feel incredible.

Genma’s fingers threaded through his hair, Shika’s hands ghosted over his back, lips following in their wake and he moaned again. He kissed and nipped at the chest in front of his face, then looked up at his friend. “Want to taste you,” he whispered and Genma smiled. Kakashi glanced over his shoulder and met Shika’s lips in a long, thorough kiss before turning back to the assassin.

Gen laid back and watched as the other man kissed a path along his body. He’d seen the struggle in his friend to give in, paid attention to the things that Kakashi had responded to and he used them now. He let out a pleased moan and saw the shiver in the other man when he did.

And then his cock was enclosed in a warm mouth and he had a hard time thinking at all. Kakashi didn’t have a lot of talent, but he more than made up for it in enthusiasm, in the need to give and please. Genma groaned loudly when the other man had swallowed him completely. “Oh _fuck,_ Kashi… Nngh…” He closed his eyes and gave himself over to the feel.

Kakashi put his effort into giving to the man under him, briefly forgetting the youngest of them. Until, that is, he felt the lips move over his ass, hands sliding along his skin again. He let his own moan out and was rewarded with a gasp from Genma over it. Then he felt the tongue tease along his ass and he nearly lost his mind.

He pulled off of the other man’s cock and grunted a low “Fuck.”

He heard a quiet, happy hum behind him that made him feel just like the ones from Gen did, then a lazy voice. “Don’t forget him,” it reminded the copy nin and then the tongue was back. Kakashi fought hard to concentrate on his friend and put his energy into pleasuring the other man, but it was difficult at best. He’d never had this done to him and it felt… fucking amazing.

He grunted when the tongue pushed gently on the muscle and he forced himself to take Genma back into his mouth. He got lost somewhere in the sensations pouring through him. The incredible sounds coming out of Genma, the amazing feel of the tongue on — _in_ him, were making him crazy. His cock was dripping, his body straining, wanting and needing like he’d never before felt.

“Oh God, Kashi,” Genma moaned when he eased back, just sucking on the tip and his own dick twitched hard in response. He worked to concentrate harder on the other man, wanted to hear his friend come. And, gratefully, at that moment, Shikamaru backed up. He focused more, sucking a little harder on the flesh in his mouth and pulling a louder grunt from the assassin.

But the reprieve was only brief. A moment later, he heard a click that he initially ignored, then he felt a finger at his ass. He pulled back again and glanced over his shoulder, both of his eyes meeting deep brown ones. They held there a moment, suspended.

He hadn’t bottomed since Obito. The few times he’d fucked over the years, _he’d_ done the fucking. Somewhere inside him, he knew that it was probably silly. Somewhere down there, he knew that he needed to do that to really start the healing process but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to do that or not.

But Shikamaru wasn’t pushing, wasn’t doing anything but waiting. He knelt there, behind Kakashi, watching the copy nin’s reaction. Kakashi swallowed and sat up, turning to the younger man. He considered the shadow nin, his mind going in a million different directions. Could he? He’d already taken other steps that night, he’d already done so much that he’d sworn he never would again.

So why not?

But as he thought through it, he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t know why, he just knew he wasn’t quite ready for it. He could admit that much. He just couldn’t quite go there yet. He twisted around and captured the younger man’s lips, pulling Shika close. Their arousals brushed, low moans were loosed and Kakashi pulled back. They stared at each other for a long moment, suspended, unable to do anything more.

Genma broke the spell. He pulled the small bottle from Shikamaru’s hands and turned to Kakashi. Their eyes met and he lifted the copy nin’s hand, pouring a bit of the liquid over long, slender fingers. Kakashi seemed to wake up and he wrapped the arm around Genma, the slicked up fingers finding the other man’s entrance. Genma moaned when one was pushed into him, nipping at the copy nin’s skin. “More,” he whispered into one ear and Kakashi wasted no time.

Gen turned his attention to Shika, then, nibbling is way along pale skin while Kakashi worked to prepare him. He wrapped one of his own arms around the younger man and earned a low moan when he bit a little hard on that spot where shoulder meets neck. Gen’s free hand wrapped around Shika’s neglected length and stroked slowly. Quiet grunts were loosed, then he let out a few of his own as a third finger was pushed into him.

He glanced up to see the other two lip-locked, the hands not on him moving over each other. They broke apart a moment later and both turned to him. His eyes slid closed as two sets of lips and teeth made trails over his skin. He wanted to stop them, tell Shika somehow that they should be concentrating on Kakashi, but the sensations pouring through him were just too much to fight.

Then one set of hands pulled away, but at that moment, Shika’s palm slid over him with more insistence. After Kakashi’s attentions earlier, it was almost too much. He grunted, trying to let the younger man know in some small way just how it was affecting him. Either Shikamaru didn’t get it or ignored it, because the hand moved even faster, made the pleasure even sharper.

And then he felt his friend’s cock nudge his entrance. Shika pulled back and Genma fell forward onto his hands, eye sliding closed and breath speeding up. He opened them again, glancing up at the youngest and tilted his head. Shika got into place in front of him just as Kakashi started pushing into him. “Oh _fuck_ ,” Genma groaned, fighting for breath.

He forced his attention to the younger man and slowly swallowed the straining length taunting him. “Oh God,” Shika grunted, his hands threading through the assassin’s long brown hair. Genma worked to pay attention to the shadow nin, focusing his concentration as he worked his lips over the other man. But he had to pause when the copy nin hit his prostate, then finally was buried completely. The sensation of being filled was just too much for him.

Kakashi curled over his back and pushed a bit of his hair away, dropping light kisses along his shoulder. “Never felt quite like this before,” he whispered into Genma’s ear and Gen swallowed, his eyes closing at the words.

One hand reached back to grip the copy nin’s hip. He turned his face and met the mismatched eyes. He didn’t know what to say to that, so he simply dropped a kiss on his friend’s cheek and turned back to Shikamaru.

Kakashi started moving and it took every bit of Genma’s concentration to stay focused on what he was doing for Shikamaru. Luckily for him, they were all just too worked up for any of it to take very long. The sounds Shika let out were loud, the hands in his hair tightening. “Fuck, Gen… can’t… not…” he grunted, unable to finish any single thought. Genma swallowed the straining cock, sealing his lips for a hard suck, dragging another loud groan from the younger man’s throat. He felt the cock twitch, heard the gasps and knew the other man was close.

He pulled back and glanced up at the dark eyes that were focused on him. “Come, Shika,” he whispered, then swallowed the other man again.

“Oh _FUCK!_ ” Shikamaru shouted, his hips bucking, pushing his cock deeper into Genma’s mouth. Gen choked a little, but ignored it, too focused on giving the younger man what he needed. The assassin watched Shika’s face as the climax went through him, wordless shouts coming from his mouth. He tasted cum and moaned at it, then he was rewarded at that moment by the copy nin hitting his prostate again, sending pleasure spiking through him.

He released Shika’s spent cock and his eyes slid closed as Kakashi started to move faster. The grunts from the man behind him got louder, the hands on his hips tighter and he knew the copy nin was getting close. He, himself, wasn’t far behind. He wrapped his hand around his own length, but was surprised when, a few seconds later, it was pulled away.

He hadn’t even noticed Shikamaru move, but the shadow nin was there, mouth just the tiniest distance away from his cock. He let go, rested his hand on the other man’s head and then his dick was enclosed in the warm, wet mouth. “Oh God… that’s… fuck, not… can’t…” He babbled as the pleasure got to him. Kakashi was hitting his prostate regularly, the mouth on him was almost _too_ much. “Going to…” he tried to warn, cutting off in a loud groan.

But in that moment, Kakashi’s hips sped up, hands tightened almost to the point of bruising and the copy nin let out a shout. “Fuck, Gen, oh God… oh, _fuck_ … I’m… coming!” His friend’s thrusts turned erratic, the sounds turned wordless and he nearly slammed into Genma as the orgasm took over.

The force behind Kakashi’s last thrust pushed Genma deeper into Shika’s mouth and his own climax hit him then, the pleasure flying through him and taking over. “Kashi… Shika…” he managed, his body shuddering hard as his nerves ignited and white fire tore through him, along his chakra paths and out into the other man’s mouth.

When he came down, he rested his face in Shikamaru’s stomach putting everything he could into staying off of Shikamaru, Kakashi panting hard against his back. They didn’t move for a few long moments, none of them able to do much. Finally, Kakashi pulled back and eased himself from Genma’s body. Gen threw himself sideways to keep from falling on Shika and grunted hard when he landed on his bad arm, the cut in his back pulling from the fall.

“Are you okay?” Kakashi asked, sitting up.

Genma nodded, swallowing around his dry throat. “I’ll…” he paused to clear his throat. “I’ll be fine. Just jarred it a bit much.”

“You shouldn’t have…” Kakashi started, but Gen just held up a hand. “Don’t,” he said, simply. “I’ll be fine.”

Kakashi stared at him a moment, then let it go, nodding. “If you’re sure.”

“I’ll be fine, just need to rest a bit, I think,” he managed. Kakashi and Shikamaru helped him get more firmly onto the futon and he breathed a sigh of relief when he was laying still. “See?” He asked, forcing a grin.

Kakashi considered him a moment, saying nothing, then he swallowed. “Thank you,” he nearly whispered.

Genma’s grin faded and he reached up as if to touch, then rested his hand on Kakashi’s arm. “You’re welcome,” he replied, squeezing gently.

“Get some rest,” Kakashi said, dropping a soft kiss on Genma’s cheek then he glanced up at Shikamaru who looked like he was holding himself up by sheer willpower. “You, too,” he said. Shika looked him over a moment, then tugged the futon that was Gen’s closer to the one the assassin was currently laying on and stretched out next to the taller man.

Kakashi watched the two of them settle, then grabbed a blanket from the pile by the wall. He spread it over the others before stretching out next to them himself. He propped his head on his hand and watched as Genma and Shikamaru got comfortable. A few moments later, both of their breathing had slowed.

If he’d been told a week ago that, not only would he be back in ANBU, but that he’d be having sex with his teammates after it was over and that most of the things he swore he’d never do, he’d be doing, he’d have called them crazy. But no, there he was, laying in the ANBU safe house, his two teammates next to him, asleep. Tired, because they’d just been having sex. With him.

He shook his head and rolled onto his back. Shikamaru shifted and Kakashi found himself with a back against his side. Without letting himself think about it, he rolled again and put his arm around the younger man, pulling the shadow nin back against his chest and curling around the other man. He stared at the fire, then, trying to sort through everything that had just happened.

He couldn’t go back. He couldn’t close himself off again from other people. He didn’t know what he could possibly do about it, but he would have to do something. He glanced down again at the shadow nin and brushed a bit of hair back from the younger man’s face. He stared for a while at the pale skin and dark hair. The face that didn’t look much different from when it did when he was awake - just as lazy and uninterested as always. He snickered quietly. That was unless, of course, Shika was thinking and planning.

He pushed that away and looked at the younger man, considered the one in his arms.

And he wondered.

He sighed quietly and looked over at his friend. Genma had done a lot for him tonight. They were much closer, and not just because they’d had sex. He wanted to see his friend happy, too. He’d have to figure out some way to try to help.

He shook his head at himself. He couldn’t believe what he was thinking, still couldn’t quite believe what he’d done. But no, it was there, if he thought about it. If he closed his eyes, he could still taste Shika’s lips and could still feel Gen’s touch.

And somewhere in his thinking, he fell asleep.

* * *

When they woke the next morning, Kakashi found himself between the other two. Genma was laying against one side and Shikamaru, the other. He lay there for a long time, letting his mind replay the night before, though he kept it to the emotions and things he’d let out, rather than the physical stuff. He didn’t really want to cause himself problems.

Finally, the other two started to stir. He met Shikamaru’s eyes for a long moment. They didn’t say anything, at first, just a simple, “Good morning.” Genma stirred then, breaking whatever had held them and Kakashi turned his attention to his friend.

The first thing he did was check, clean and re-dress Genma’s back. He’d managed to not open it during their time together the night before, nor overnight, thankfully. When he was done, he found Gen a spare shirt and vest in one of the cabinets, then helped the other man dress.

They worked in silence to put the safe house back the way they’d found it. It was companionable and comfortable, none of them feeling the need to fill it. When the house was clean and put together, they donned their masks and headed out.

The trip to the village was as silent as the one they’d taken the two days before. They still had to be aware and alert to their surroundings, ever conscious that Kimura’s men might take it on themselves to still come after them.

But even as cognizant as they were, all three of them had their minds on the night before. Genma glanced over at the other two - first at Hawk, then further at Dog and watched them as they moved, noting that they, too, seemed just as lost in thought.

He’d started the night before with the idea of helping Kakashi. Showing him it was okay to feel, okay to accept comfort and friendship from others. And yet, he’d realized that he missed that type of thing, himself.

Four years. Hayate was gone, now, four years. It was past time for him to let go of his late lover. It was time to take the advice he’d been giving Kakashi. It was time to live. He took a deep breath, glanced once more at the others and made his decision.

Shikamaru heard the sigh and glanced at the Cat. He was realizing that he wasn’t quite sure how much of ANBU he wanted to do. His first mission had been something, more for the after effects of it, than the mission itself. It had been tough - he didn’t like killing like that. The few times he had to kill over the years hadn’t been quite so… personal.

And shutdown wasn’t something he was sure he could deal with. He’d told Genma he’d have been fine, but he wasn’t so positive about that. And he didn’t know if he could so readily just fuck any team member who happened to be along to deal with it.

No, there was really only one person he wanted these days and he now had hope that maybe, just maybe the man wasn’t quite as unachievable as he had been thinking. Asuma’s face flashed through Shika’s mind and he swallowed around the minor lump it caused. He was gone, and nothing was going to bring him back. It was time for Shikamaru to let go of that and live.

In the ANBU locker rooms, the three of them changed back into normal uniforms. They still hadn’t spoken much, still in that companionable silence that characterized the rest of the day. They finished dressing and Genma turned to the other two.

“I’ve got the report, if you two want to just go,” he started.

Shikamaru and Kakashi exchanged glances. “We can go with you. In case you need something for it,” Shika offered.

Genma shrugged. “Up to you, but… I want to turn it in.”

Kakashi and Shikamaru both shrugged. “Better you than me,” Kakashi said with a chuckle. “Iruka will yell at me, Izumo quietly fumes and shoves the paper back _every time_ and Kotetsu doesn’t even look at it. He simply hands it back to me and tells me to fix it.”

“Maybe that’s because he knows it’ll need to be fixed?” Shikamaru asked, smirking and Kakashi sniffed, pulling his orange book out.

The three of them took the short walk from headquarters to the mission office. Genma picked up a pen and form and forced himself to calm down as he wrote it out, so his handwriting wouldn’t be shaky. He focused on the details he _could_ put in the report and the mess of things he couldn’t, instead. Finally, sure he did the best he could with the restrictions on ANBU reports, he stood and turned to the desk.

He swallowed around his suddenly dry throat and took the last couple of steps, staring at the spiky-haired nin. Kotetsu looked up at him and that incredibly sexy mouth spread into a grin. “Hi,” he greeted Genma.

“H…” Gen had to clear his throat. “Hi,” he managed. Raidou chose that moment to come in and approached Izumo at the other end of the desk. He glanced over at Gen, nodded and smiled and Genma took a deep breath. He knew that Kakashi and Shikamaru were watching, too. He closed his eyes, breathed deeply again, through his nose and out his mouth and opened his eyes once more. “Hi,” he said, much more calmly. He handed the report over the desk, screwed up his courage and finally forced out, “Would you go to dinner with me?”

Kotetsu looked up at him, surprise in the slanted eyes, then those lips spread into a grin again - this one much, much wider than the first. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Genma felt the tension drain and glanced over his shoulder at his two teammates. Kakashi’s visible eye was in a happy crinkle and Shikamaru was smiling. He turned back to Kotetsu, leaned across the desk, cupped the other man’s face in his hands and paused a hair’s breadth away from Kotetsu’s lips, giving the younger man a chance to pull away. When Tetsu didn’t, Gen closed the distance and met those amazing lips that had filled his dreams for so long.

And they tasted so _good_.

Kotetsu pulled back and stood up. Genma watched, curious and a little afraid as he moved around the desk. They stared at each other for a moment, then Kotetsu closed the last tiny distance and wrapped his arms around Genma. Gen’s eyes slid closed as his lips were captured again, and this time, the ones under his came alive, kissing him back, nibbling, moving, tasting and Genma’s body _sang_. They both pulled back, just far enough to see each other and Gen smiled. “Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi,” Kotetsu replied, voice just as quiet, smile spreading to match Gen’s. “Dinner, tonight. Pick me up at seven.”

Genma nodded, Kotetsu dropped another soft kiss on Gen’s lips, then let him go. Genma stood back, his grin still plastered to his face and growing wider. He waved, took another step back and turned to go. He caught out of the corner of his eye the twin grins on Raidou’s and Izumo’s faces and his own got even bigger. Kakashi and Shikamaru both gave a short wave, both still smiling and Genma returned it, then headed out, practically floating out the door.

Kakashi glanced over at his remaining teammate. “So,” he started and took a deep breath.

Shikamaru considered the older man for a moment. “So,” he echoed.

Kakashi swallowed and came to a decision. He’d had enough hiding, enough fighting, enough denying. He took another deep breath and opened his mouth to speak.

But before he could let the words out, Shikamaru beat him to it. “Go to dinner with me.”

Kakashi blinked at the younger man. He’d just been about to ask the same thing. “Uh…” he blinked a few more times, then shook his head as if to clear it, his visible eye crinkling. “I’d… like that.”

Shikamaru nodded. “Good.”

The two of them turned toward the door and as they stepped through it, Kakashi held a hand out. Shikamaru glanced at it, then up at the copy nin. As the younger man clasped it, Kakashi thought maybe, just maybe, he could feel the scars begin to heal.

 _Fin._


End file.
